How to get yourself back!
I do my thing
And you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am I
And if by chance
we find each other, its beautiful
if not, it cannot be helped.
-Fritz pearls (1893-1970)
Harsh lines!? not the best thing to hear. But quite a reality. I have been a biggest fan of these lines, since the time I have known of them, but whenever it is time to follow, it takes a lot of energy and intrinsic motivation to be able to follow it through & through. It is very difficult to not expect from people who are close to us. When you expect, it may not be taken the right way and when you don’t expect, the other person might feel you are not committed as they are in the relationship. Confusing right? So, what are you supposed to do? How do you attach and detach at the same time?
I have come to believe that maintaining & keeping relationships is an art. Not all of us are born with it. That’s why I say, it is hard work for a few of us. I include myself in it. While you are trying to handle and maintain relationships around you, trying to come out of a broken one can be quite a nightmare.
From having spent a great deal of time with each other, sharing moments, updating status messages, sharing pictures with each other on social media, having to be found together always, getting into every coffee shop and restaurants in the town, travelling together, invited together, so many common friends, talking and texting almost throughout the day and suddenly to wake up to not having any of it. This can be devastating, depressing & frustrating.
Symptoms that you will experience
You are not able to fall asleep, once you do get some sleep, you cannot wake up, not able to eat or eating too much, crying all the time, staying at home all the time, not socializing, unable to concentrate at work, getting angry very easily, ignoring family and friends who are trying to help, switching off your phone, not taking care of yourself, stopped exercising, lost interest in activities that you enjoyed doing before, making excuses to not attend a function & the list continues.
You are just not used to doing anything without each other, so even though you know it is over, but you do not want to believe that, you will still try and constantly message and call the other person. You still feel things can get back to normal.
You are in stage 1 – Denial. Read my blog on Grief work, it will help you to understand which stage you are in.
When the break up is mutual, it is difficult, but not devastating. When the decision is only from one person, that’s when it can get miserable for the other person.
It is Normal
This is an extremely normal grieving process. You have lost a relationship, not easy to move on and be functioning like before. Having said that, you do also know, that you have to get back to your routine at some point, what if you try consciously to take care of yourself and get out of that zone of feeling low?
Feeling low, makes a person lose interest in anything and everything. Therefore, it becomes important to create a routine, which will guide you through, whenever you are ready & the earlier the better.
Its important to note, sometimes the best in us comes out in the worst situation.
Here are a list of powerful ‘Counselling interventions’ that you can start using today!
Sweat it out!
First, start exercising. There is so much energy in the body at this point, that you need the right way to channelize that energy. Exercise is a good way to release Dopamine, a chemical that plays a role in keeping you happy. Apart from helping you stay in a good mood, exercise will help to be less stressed, it will keep you energized & it will boost your confidence levels by making you feel good about yourself.
Eat & Sleep well
Second, the trick is to start exercising, once you start, you automatically feel hungry and tired, which will help you to fall asleep during the nights. Hence, food and sleep is taken care of.
Third, after a break up, this is the time that you are most vulnerable. You are drawn towards other people and you also tend to make new relationships really soon. STOP! Is what you need to tell yourselves, it could be a Rebound. You are not really in love and you are just trying to fill that empty space. A lot of marriages are a result of a break up which is not a beneficial situation to be in. Stay alert and try to be fair to yourself & the other person.
Come out of your comfort zone
Fourth, do not lock yourself up. It is extremely important to continue socializing, if you want to get back and move on, talking to people, staying around a bunch of positive people, it all makes a difference to how you can feel at the end of the day.
Do something different
Fifth, engage in your passion. Try to do what you love to the most by thinking of things that you have failed to do in the past for any reason. Now is the time to start cultivating that one skill that you always wanted to work on. Engaging in your favourite activities can make you feel happy and confident about yourself.
Talk to people
Sixth, the most important one is to remember, you are not alone in this. Talking helps to let your thoughts and feelings out, which eventually makes you feel that you are not alone in this. Especially communicating with people who also have gone through similar situations, can be of great help during your difficult times. Hence, this will help you understand what they have done to keep themselves strong.
Pour your thoughts down
Seventh, it is also a good idea to practice writing about how you feel in this situation. It is important to vent and let your feelings out. You could be feeling ‘Anger’, which needs to come out, anger is an healthy emotion if channelized in the right way. By putting your feelings down, you are helping yourself to not act destructively with them.
Which one will you choose to help yourself today? Write your thoughts down and let us know.
Eighth, if you still feel you are not able to get back to your routine. You find yourself struggling with day to day activities. Do not waste your time. You may need professional intervention. Call us at +1 (647) 939 1730. We will be more than happy to help you.
2 thoughts on “Most Effective Ways To Manage Your Life After A Break Up”
very thought provoking article! Excellent remedies to overcome break ups.
Thanks kavitha. We all have the potential to overcome, just about knowing where to start. We as mental health professional, have the opportunity to help. Grateful for that.